The odds are you or someone you know will develop cancer. For Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsey, it was his mother.
That's why the "Grey's Anatomy" actor, auto racer and philanthropist is partnering with the American Cancer Society and Pfizer for their "Change the Odds" campaign, in an effort to increase awareness and get people to make appointments for their recommended cancer screenings.
That said, Dempsey understands booking your screening – and actually going –isn't exactly fun. It's scary, in fact. But that's not an excuse either. "A couple times I've had to cancel just because I've had so much anxiety the night before that I couldn't get to sleep because I'm nervous about the outcome," he says in a Zoom interview. "I don't think I'm alone in that. I think a lot of us, you want to be in denial about it, but once you get it done, you just feel this sense of relief. So it's just really fighting through and then supporting your friends and getting out there and going, 'Hey, I get it, it's hard, but once you get it done, you feel so much better.'" The actor, 58, got his prostate screening this week and is due for a colon cancer check-up.
He's always in the thick of the cancer community, especially through his organization The Dempsey Center that supports cancer patients and their loved ones. It makes sense, given his family's history and that 1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women in the U.S. will face a cancer diagnosis at some point in their lives. You can look up screening recommendations here and here or by consulting your medical provider.
"If people know their family history, and if people get their screenings early enough, the chance of surviving is so great," Dempsey says.
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'I feel like she's constantly with me'
Dempsey's mom Amanda had 12 cancer recurrences, which was brutal for the family. She died in 2014. Dempsey, though, was able to get closure and holds her memory close. "I feel she's constantly with me, and certainly, every day I go in, or I'm around talking about the center, I feel she's very much inside of me and alive." But "some people don't get to have that closure with their loved one, and it's hard, and that's why our counseling is one of – probably the most – in demand services that we have."
His grief ebbs and flows, and informs his work. "I was talking to someone who had just lost a family member recently, and that triggers you and you feel that it brings it all back up, but it's important to move through that, to feel that and to let it go. And when I go into the Center and I talk to people, I love to be open and listen to them and let them share, and let them talk about it and let them get it out."
His father died when Dempsey was only 18 years old; he thinks about his own mortality even as he enjoys life more and more. "I think about my children and wanting to be around because I lost my father so early in life."
He's also not afraid of receiving signs from loved ones, or letting the sweet memories flood his mind. "I remember when I first returned home, there was a pickup truck that was very similar to (my dad's), and I was convinced I saw him alive, and I was driving around town trying to find that truck. It was really quite interesting. And then I just parked in the parking lot for a minute, and I cried a little bit." A month later, his father appeared in a dream. "That was the last time I saw him."
As for his mom, the pair use to cross-country ski together. Now "anytime it snows, it always reminds me of those moments."
The ebbs and flows of grief:My dad died 2 years ago of this rare, fatal disease. I can't stop thinking about this moment.
Patrick Dempsey brags about wife Jillian, their kids
How does Dempsey otherwise take care of himself beyond screenings? He stopped drinking 10 years ago, watches his portion sizes and eats a lot more vegetables. "I try to embrace kale as much as possible," he says," though concedes "it's not my favorite." His family keeps him moving; he has three children with wife Jillian Dempsey: Talula Fyfe Dempsey, 22, and 17-year-old twins Darby Galen Dempsey and Sullivan Patrick Dempsey.
He knows the importance of weight training as he ages: "As we get older, we need to keep our bone density up, and that's going to be preventative going into my 60s, and then hopefully into my 70s. I'm getting older, and I can't do as much as I want unless I'm training or working out."
For all these reasons, his cancer screening encouragement makes sense (and he has his "Grey's" tenure to thank for all the visibility he commands). "I want to be around as long as possible and to be with (my kids) as adults, because as they grow and they mature, they become their own people, it's just awe-inspiring, and I want to be there for them."
But really it's his "amazing" wife who could be handling these interviews. "She did her mammogram and her colonoscopy in one day," he says with pride. He "was pretty proud of her and inspired."